The Emergency Clinic
1pm Monday- pain in chest
115pm- being driven to nearest ER clinic hoping it was a serious case of gas and not a heart attack :)
135pm- connected to EKG
140pm- given 4 baby aspirins and 1 nitroglycerin tablet
200pm- hooked up to an IV
205pm- another nitroglycerin tablet administered
230pm- given a shot of morphine and lost track of time and myself
 |
| After the shot of morphine....hello! |
Now, I was feeling great, pain free and ready to go home or on with my day back at work. Right. The doctor comes in and says we need X-rays. I heard pictures. Great! I was already wearing my lovely hospital gown over my black pants and high heels. It's hard to see my pants and heels under my gown in this picture, but I was wearing them! I was well sporting the look in the clinic and ready for my
We get to the X-ray room via the hospital roller bed (possibly because I was looking a little glazed over from the drugs. lol) There wasn't a whole lot I remember, but I DO remember saying something that probably should not have come out of my mouth. I say things when I'm NOT drugged, so, imagine what comes out when I AM drugged...
The poor X-ray tech is already having to deal with me not being able to stand and mumbling way to much. He helps me off the bed and onto a chair and says, "OK, I'll need you to remove your bra for the X-rays." I slowly turn my head, look straight at him and say, "No problem." But really, there was. I was too groggy and half asleep to even try to unhook my boob hugger. Plus, I had an IV in one arm, so OUCH! After about 5 minutes of struggling with this mess, I look at him pathetically and tell him "I know you've had experience removing these things...can I get some help here?" Yup. I don't even know what to say. In the future, it would be wise to tape my mouth before administering heavy meds as such.
Back in the room, Tony was patiently waiting. I hadn't called anyone yet. I didn't want anyone to worry and I figured I'd be back at work and this would all be over with. They roll me back in and give me the news: "We're admitting you into the hospital overnight for observation" (code for 'we're gonna milk you and your insurance'). "What??? I'm totally fine! My car's back at work. I can't leave it there. I gotta make Halloween costumes tonight! I have to pick up my son from football practice at 6:45-7:00pm. I have to post an entry on my blog for my cousin to read! I didn't shave my legs! (Dammit Myrandah!! This is your fault! You sent out a memo about shaving being postponed until April! I'll never listen to you again!!!) Are you kidding me? Dancing with the stars is on tonight! Oh God!! Life is over! I have two kids to care for...yes, one is 35 and the other 30, but..." just kidding... I didn't say all that. I couldn't... I was far too drugged by this point. Instead, I just started crying. I wanted to say those things, but my tongue was dragging on the ground, my eyes were making circles on their own and I was trying desperately to keep my pant legs down!
So, it was obvious it was time to call Gracie. Hopefully she wouldn't be too drugged up from her meds and she would be able to process what I was trying to say...
Me: "Gracie? I mean, Mom? Don't freak out and don't yell".
G: "OK."
Me: "I'm in the ER, hooked up to IV's, heavily medicated, and going into the hospital with unshaven legs."
I moved the phone away from my ear because I JUST KNEW...
G: "WHAAAAT???!!!??? What happened? Where are you? What????"
She was calm.
I explained everything best I could given the medicated condition I was in. Somehow, she understood every word.
G: "I'll meet you at the hospital."
The Ambulance Ride
I'm patiently waiting for my ride. Finally, two guys show up. One must have been 7 years old and the other maybe 9. They can't be for me, I thought. They walked straight over to my room with the 'bed-on-wheels'.
Me: "Are you guys my Lemo ride? Are you old enough to have a driver's license?"
7 year old: *laughing as he was strapping me in*, "I get that all the time."
Me: "Well, are you?"
7 year old: "Yup. This is gonna be your best ambulance ride ever!"
The 9 year old chimes in with, "We've only had two accidents in two months, we should be good though."
Me: *speechless*
They guys roll me out of the room, almost bump me into the wall and took a turn around the corner on two wheels. They open the ambulance door and raise the thinly cushioned bed on wheels into the back of my pimped up ride. They 'lock' in the bed, shut the doors and begin our journey. I was holding on for dear life, praying the back door would not open and find me rolling down Wurzbach Parkway in 5 o'clock traffic!
The ride started out with a few routine questions. It was weird and kinda quiet. But not too worry,,, I broke the ice. I noticed the little 'no smoking' symbol, you know, the one that looks like this:
9 year old to 7 year old driver: "Dude, where are you going? You're taking the long way!"
7 year old: "You said Northeast Baptist."
9 year old: "We said NORTHEAST METHODIST!"
7 year old: "When?"
9 year old: "Does it matter? Turn around and go the right way."
Me: "Do you have any more morphine?"
After a few wrong turns and a San Antonio tour, we finally made it to the hospital. Thank goodness I wasn't dying...
The hospital staff welcomes me and directs the two adult children to wheel me to admitting. These two had no idea where admitting was. Shocking. They didn't even know where the hospital was... how could I expect them to know where admitting was? Finally, we make the destination to room 2. They unhook me and transfer me to a very cushioned, remote bed that I'd be having fun with soon enough. Only, the 'remote' part wasn't working. There was also a portable toilet staring back at me in the room. No privacy? This can't be right.
My Admitting Room
It's 6pm, I'm alone in the admitting room with one portable toilet, a bed that doesn't work and a nurse that was already pissed off because 'closing time' was at 7 and she clearly was not going to be out until at least 8pm! Like that was my problem??? Please! I wanted to go home before my adventure around S.A.!
Me: *sweet voice* "scuse me....um... is this my room with no bathroom?"
Nurse: *grumpy tone* "No. This is your admitting room. As soon as they have a room available, we'll move you there."
Me: "I could always come back tomorrow."
Nurse: "Ha, nope. We got you."
Whatever that means. I wasn't trying to screw any one's day up. I just wanted to go home or at the very least have a regular toilet in a private room!
A couple hours go by, mom shows up with the boys and no food. That's cool,,, I was full with the 4 ASPIRINS AND MORPHINE anyway! Tony shows up with a teddy bear and his camera phone, that I wanted to gracefully shove up....So kind of him to bring me a teddy bear! Sadly, there are other pics of me out there with oxygen tubes up my nose and smeared makeup! I'm sure they'll surface at some point in my life.
Well, at the very least I had a bag with jammies, toiletries, my phone charger and a bear to talk to after my family left to ENJOY THEIR EVENING! I was just beginning to settle in to my ugly room and watch DWTS when the first of many lab techs comes in to take more blood. Same arm, same vein as earlier. A few minutes later, the admissions nurse, aka grumpy, comes in and delivers the good news; "a room is now available!" I could see how excited she was when she pretty much threw my ass onto the chair and piled up my belongings on my lap. "Um... ma'am...I'm hooked up to the IV and the oxygen... can you please unhook me before you even attempt to roll me out of here? That would be nice. Thaaaaanks." Mind you, I'm still wearing my gown from earlier in the day along with my black pants AND heels. Oh ya... classy.
Room 262
Ahh... finally, a room with a private restroom! I've never been so happy to see a toilet behind closed doors!! A shower...Yay! I could shower, SHAVE MY LEGS, brush my teeth and relax for a restful night.
I climb into bed, get comfy with my IV and the fresh hospital gown with the pocket designed to hold the portable heart monitor. Buncha wires and crap! It was a mess!!! I'm surprised I didn't choke myself in the 30 minute intervals of sleep I got! All night long, lab techs to draw blood- same arm, same vein, take my blood pressure, take my temp AND take my sanity. I finally just stayed up. No one comes in. Dammit!!!
My breakfast arrives. I'm not sure what it was, but it stunk. The only thing I had was rice krispies with no sugar and warm milk. Mmmm... what a meal! An hour later, my 'day shift' nurse comes in, introduces herself and injects me in the stomach with some form of medication that permits blood clots from forming. That was fun. Thirty minutes later, a lab tech comes in for more blood. Same arm, same vein.
An hour later, blood pressure check and temp check. Blood pressure extremely low. This meant I would not be released. Lucky for them,,, more money!
Lunch arrives. Yuck. Veggies with no salt, no flavor. I picked out the generous two pieces of 'I'm not sure what kind of dog meat' and forced that down. As you can see, I didn't even eat the rabbit food or the veggies. I took a bite of the peaches and felt so disappointed that none of that tasted like white wedding cake or creme brulee.
Twenty minutes later, chest X-ray tech comes in. By this time my blood is beginning to boil and I'd like nothing more than to just punch someone in the face. Hungry, tired and unrested, they were lucky to make it out of my private and very boring room, in one piece! Thirty minutes later; an ultrasound tech. YOU ARE KIDDING ME WITH THIS, RIGHT????
Sometime in the next hour or so, the last and final lab tech comes in to collect yet more blood...as if they didn't have enough with the 3 gallons they've taken so far. The poor guy comes in chipper and happy and loving his J.O.B.
Chip (That really wasn't his name. I made it up. It was short for chipper and it fit him well): "I'm here to get some blood!"
Me: *pissed off* "I wanna punch you in the face."
Chip: "Wow, ready to go home, are you?"
Me: "Can you tell?"
Chip: "Don't you like it here?"
Me: "You really want me to punch you, right?"
Chip: *laughing* "It'll be OK. Hang in there."
Me: *semi laughing* "Ya, good luck finding a vein. You can't use the tops of my hands because that would hurt way to much and I've been through way too much, you can't use this arm because of the IV and this arm has been used so much I'm beginning to look like a crack whore!"
Chip: "Well, let's see... hmmm...." (observing my arm) "Looks like that's the only good vein to use. I'm gonna use it, just a little lower." Same arm, same effing vein.
Me: "Knock yourself out."
The needle goes in. "SON OF A B....."
Chip: "All done! Good girl! And thank you for not punching me!"
Me: "You're welcome."
I was so miserable and starving by now. Krista calls and all I could say is, "bring me a bag of Cheetos, a large bottled water and a Coke! STAT!!" Right at that moment, Gracie shows up and so does my next disgusting prison dinner.
Me: "Mom, I can't eat this crap, I'm dying of starvation and they won't bring me good food."
Mom to the rescue! She leaves and comes back with a turkey sandwich, potato chips and a soda! Aaaahhh... I remembered at that moment how delicious a plain turkey sandwich could really be! The couple swigs of soda went down my throat and made me feel like a druggie getting a fix! Yum. Then Krista shows up with my previous order!!! It was like Christmas in Room 262!
All was great until the next stomach injection. OMG! Enough is enough! I was not going to cooperate anymore!
My Orders To Go Home
Before I go on, let me just say that I went in better than I came out of there! I was now in tired, hungry, unrested, bruised, and in debt.
Pictures to follow: Enjoy! I won't be blogging for some time. This novel should hold you over for a while, Bella!
I was fortunate enough to make it home just in time for Halloween. However, since I ended up in the hospital I didn't have time to buy costumes... "no worries, Austin! Mama know exactly what to do!"
Austin wanted chipotle for dinner, so guess where we went????? C H I P O T L E for 'boo'ritos.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween,,, glad it's OVER!!!
-a crack-ish lookin' me! lol
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