Well, it's been 9 days since I've shed a tear for 'what could've been'. Sure, I miss it. I'm only human. But exactly am I missing?
I sleep alone every night, so I'm not missing the warmth of another human being.
I'm alone quite often (not counting my boys), so I'm not missing the company.
I pay my own bills, so I'm not missing the financial piece.
I have my own sets of friends, so I'm not missing 'couple dates'.
I deal with my own problems and issues, so it's not like I have the support really.
I buy my own things, so it's not that I'm miss having someone buy me things.
Don't get me wrong, this wasn't all the time... Little things did happen, which I was so thankful for. But it only left me wanting more; more of his company. More of his love and affection. More of his time. More of everything. I was not satisfied with only half of his love or half of his time. I didn't want to share him. Selfishness on my part or hungry for love? Maybe a little bit of both? Probably.
Someone once told me God puts people on this Earth to take care of others. Is that me? Am i one of His chosen ones? Could that be why I feel the need to help others? To try and feed all the people who are hungry? To clothe the homeless when it's cold out? To make peace among friends? What??? That can't be right. I'm a sinner just like the next person...faaaaarrrr from perfect. Trust me on that. Maybe I just believe in what goes around comes around. I believe in giving second chances (not 400). I believe in giving respect if you want respect to be given back. I believe in putting out exactly what I want returned to me. Yes!!! That sounds much better. I'm no Mother Theresa. Lol! I just wanna do good. I want good for others, really I do, despite what my ex's think or might say! ;)
I constantly see my friends and even some of my family and I wonder how they found each other. The spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends they have are so attentive to one another. They would never think about letting the other be alone. They inspire and support each other to be the best that they can be. They would never put someone or something else above their relationship. How did they get there? What makes them click? Is it true love? Or is it that each of them respect the relationship and follow through with taking care of one another? Or is it both? I know not every relationship is blissful 100% of the time but c'mon. These people know what they want, they have the respect, the trust is there, the affection...and so far, after talking to each couple, they all seem to have a common denominator; God. And that's it!! That's what I want. A spiritually grounded relationship. I want my future filled with God's love so strong that nothing or no one can comes between me and my future husband. I want Him to be so in love with Christ that the love he has flows freely onto me. So, first and foremost, I will give more of ME to The Lord, I will seek HIS company, HIS love, HIS affection, HIS everything. I truly believe in His plan for me!
~hopeful for true love