True Crime.

True crime. I like reading it. It's gruesome, horrific, sad and terrifying. I cringe as I read some of the material but I'm intrigued with how the mind works and every aspect around criminal behavior. There was a part of me that wanted to pursue a career in Forensics, Homicide or Mental Health.  Possibly even a career as a crime scene photographer. Yes, sick, I know.  I'm the biggest scary there is so it made no sense to me that I would want to do a job of such a dark nature. But, something about all that really interested me until a friend of mine, who worked in the police department, had a friend, who was an actual homicide detective and, was able to show me actual photos of suicide victims (self inflicted gun shot suicides).  Um.... I wasn't expecting all that! I mean, I wasn't expecting rainbows and fresh smelling roses but I surely was not expecting some of the stuff I saw.  Brains everywhere, blood, bodies and inner body parts all over the place.  Then my sweet friend proceeded to add a couple things I had NOT thought of.  "What about the smell of decomposing bodies? What if you find children?" Things got real, real quick, right before me and I decided to leave that profession to someone who couldn't smell and was able to desensitize themselves from human life just for a moment.  There's no way I could walk into a crime scene, photograph it, then go out for lunch and go on with my day.  I'd probably throw up, start crying and end up in fetal position.  Totally not the job for me.

As difficult as it can be reading some of the crime material and how these ingrates are capable of destroying human life I still have that little need to know why the criminal does what he/she does.  What makes people tic? What creates this behavior in a person? How does one get to the point of becoming a murderer or cannibal or stalker or serial killer? How does one end their own life? Or the life of a child? What drives someone to do such hanous crimes?  A lot of what I read seems to stem from child hood upbringings.  Loveless childhoods, abusive childhoods.  So sad.  So hurtful. It makes me wonder had these individuals been given a life with love and direction and faith, would they have turned out different? Maybe some would have.  Who knows?  But it's reality and I think that's why I'm so interested.  Make no mistake, I would never be a 'Jodi Foster' who goes to interview a monster like Hannibal Lector.  Hell, I've never even seen the movie all the way through! He just scares the living crap out of me! To this day I can't see Anthony Hopkins as a 'normal' person. Perhaps if I watch the movie in segments on mute, I can get through the entire movie?  Um.... probably not.  But anyway...

I started watching Law and Order recently and I love it! I've never seen it before just because American Idol, Bachelor/Bachelorette and Dancing With The Stars usually takes up my entire week. A.I. offers me the 'could've been', B/B takes me 'around the world without the expenses' and Dancing With The Stars 'puts me on stage as a star'. *thought*; Wow, I AM pretty delusional! lol Obviously, these shows are less depressing than crime solving.  But with Law and Order I can actually be a detective for an hour (unless it's a marathon, then I can be a detective all day long!).  So, since DWTS is the only show this season, I picked up some L&O.  Well, between my reading and L&O, I've had some pretty awful nightmares.  And of course, in my nightmares, I'm always the one running for dear life but never get past three steps, or I'm screaming my ass off, but nothing comes out OR I'm screaming my ass off and I'm really making all kinds of weird noises when I wake up!
These nightmares are the kind of nightmares that eff up my sleep and make me wanna turn every light on, but I'm too scared to move. I get the chills and throw the covers over my head which is so dumb because then I freak myself out that someone is 'right there'! My pitts are sweating just writing about it.  Or, I hate it when my imagination starts going all over the place and now I'm apparently living in a time when phones were non-existent, houses have bars over the windows and unless you were able to bend steel you weren't escaping or you're driving out of town and you happen to almost run out of gas on a long, winding scary road with no civilization except for the Chainsaw Massacre family (hmm...sounds familiar)... ugh! This mind of mine.  I'm a fort twenty something year old with a night light who prefers having her babies sleep with her. 

On a serious note, there has recently been child abductions that unfortunately have ended sadly and for this, my heart and prayers go out to the families of those precious babies.  There are a lot of evil people in this world.  I know that I'm probably noted as an 'overprotective' mother who would prefer having her babies in a bubble, but there isn't anyone out there who will tell me that I shouldn't be so overprotective.  These are my precious gifts from God and I will protect them as much as I want or need to! I will educate them about the dangers, not to scare them, but to make them aware of the evil that is out there.  I will ask God to protect them and keep them safe when I can't be around.  There's nothing more that I can do.  It hurts me so much when I see children walking in the morning on the side of a desolate road, or a busy freeway/intersection to get to school.  I understand that sometimes parents work or for whatever reason they are unable to take their kids to school- I get it, but PLEASE parents, PLEASE try and find someone trustworthy, or try and find a way to secure those children from the dangers of life. As much as I'd love to get these children safely to where ever it is they're going,  all I can really do is ask God to protect those little angels on their way.  Children get picked up a block away from home and even off of their front yards.  It's reality. A sad, unfortunate reality. So, parents, please be overprotective, guard these babies, educate them as they grow, ready them for the cruel world.  We all know that not every place is 'safe' and we all know that everyone isn't 'safe' but do your part and be the best mommy and daddy you can possibly be!

I could go on and on about this and I have no earthly idea how I went from 'what I wanted to be' to nightmares to kidnapped children, but it hits home when you hear about abductions and the sickos out there that prey on innocent children (and others) each and every single day.

Well, this ended grim.  Sorry.  Now, I'm sad and in need of some serious laughter! As always,  PROTECT OTHERS!

~amg