Roadtrip!

This past weekend was a pretty exciting one.  Here's the story. 

Tony was so sweet to get us tickets to the Renaissance Festival this past weekend.  Neither one of us has ever been, so this was completely a new experience for the both of us and we were both really excited!

We filled up (so I thought.  This comment will play into my story in just a bit) with gasoline around noon on Saturday as we were leaving San Antonio. We stopped off at Bucees (yum) for some lunch.  As far as we knew, we still had plenty of time to get to our destination, check in to the hotel room, take the shuttle to the festival and enjoy at least 8 hours of food, fun and drinks (slushies). 

We made it to Katy, Texas and just so you know, I know nothing above or beyond that point....and neither does my navigator, Tony.

Me:  "Tony, what is the name of city so I can 'GPS' it?"
Tony: "Plantersville, Texas."
Me: "Plantersville? Are you sure? Is that where they package Planters Peanuts? lol."
Tony: "No."
Me: "How do you know? You've never been."

Anyway, we begin heading north towards Plantersville.  The GPS map on my phone didn't look so bad.  Twenty minutes, tops.  As I enlarged the map on my phone to see actual streets, the roads got longer and longer. 



(I know the map is kinda small, but the 'green dot' is Katy, Texas, the red dot is Plantersville, Texas. This stupid little map is equivalent to 1 1/2 hours, not 20 minutes!)

Me:  "Did you realize that Plantersville is like an hour and a half from here? We won't be there until about 4ish." (I actually had no idea for sure what time we'd be there, I was just guessing)

After travelling a long, long time on the first stretch of road Tony looks at me and says, "Don't look, but we're almost out of gas."

Me: "I'm sorry, what? How can you be almost out? You filled up leaving San Antonio, right? Which means you should still have about half a tank, right?"
Tony: "Not really."
Me: "Not really, what? Not really, you didn't fill up? Or I'm not really seeing the little orange light?"
Tony: "I told you not to look."

I sat back, looked around and saw nothing.  Absolutely nothing but the road we were on and land.

As far as the eye could see.  Nothing! I didn't freak out- yet.  We usually have about 10 miles or so.  I was more than sure we'd find a gas station.  I mean, they're everywhere, right? Wrong.  We get to the next major road and we finally begin to see houses, cows, a little bit of civilization.  Awesome! We'll be fine, I thought.

We keep travelling.  No gas station. We travel another ways and nothing.  We continue to travel and still nothing.  At this point I thought it would be totally appropriate for the 'F' word.  But I kept my mouth shut.  Instead, I started making plans in my head to hide the only left over food we had from lunch. I look at Tony to make sure he wasn't watching me hide the Beaver Nuggets and the uneaten scraps of kolache from our Bucees stop earlier.  I'm like, 'Hell na,,, if we're getting stranded, HE'S walking and I'm gonna fill up on nuggets and kolache scraps!'

According to my GPS, we've made little progress.  We've followed the long road to nothing.  Thanks to all the true crime novels I've been reading, I began to imagine our fate.  It didn't help that we encountered this along the way:

(Yes, that is a hand hanging on the fence.  Very unsettling! This was no joke. Holy shitballs! )

Me: "Um, T? Do you realize that we're probably gonna end up being the next chainsaw massacre movie? Typical.  We get stranded on a deserted road and now the only thing left to do is knock on some stranger's door where they'll welcome us in, kill us and we'll become their dinner and/or sex slaves. Our hands are going to be hanging on a fence too! How do people live out here with no mall or HEB or at least a Wal-Mart? Geez, what about gasoline??? How do they go anywhere? Do they fill up in Katy, Texas and use the entire tank getting home?  How do they get back to Katy for more gasoline? OMG! look, there's kid's toys? Kids live out here? How the hell do they go to school? There's gotta be something more out here other than murderers and land! No wonder they go crazy! What do these people do for fun? OMG! I bet they kill for fun! We're gonna die!  All because you didn't fill up!"
(Obviously, I was beginning to freak out, just a tad.)
"I'm sweating.  What are we gonna do? Worst case scenario, you go looking for help and I'll just stay and pray no one sees our vehicle, pulls over, breaks the windows out, and steals me for ransom or their next delicious meal." 
Tony: "Or, we could use our cell phones to call for help."
Me: "That does NOT make me feel better!"

We continue to travel and I'm guessing we have about two miles OR LESS of gasoline left.  My nerves were starting to make my whole body itch! I chewed off my entire bottom lip and now I had to pee from being so nervous.  "Sweet Jesus, forgive him for he knows NOT what he does!" All I kept thinking about was how far we still had to go.  There would be no earthly way we would make it another hour on the road on an empty tank of gas because usually, a vehicle does not run with no gas.  Finally, we see a water tower that says Waller on it. 

(Well, you totally cannot see the water tower that says 'Waller' on it but it's behind the church where I gave thanks!)
That means there must be a little bit of civilization.  We get to a stoplight and there to the right I see a Shell gas station! I literally COULD NOT believe we made it! The truck was fuming but we made it!

Tony gets in the truck and says, "I put 10.00 in. We should be good". Very funny.

We finally get to Plantersville.

Me: "What is the name of our hotel." 
Tony proceeds to give me the name.  I input it into my GPS. 
Me: "Um, it shows Magnolia Texas." 
Tony: "Yes, that's it."
Me: "Do you realize that it's SOUTH of where we actually are right now?"

(OK, Here's the same map, but if you look at the red dot, which is Plantersville, you'll see how far we travelled from the green dot which is Katy, Texas.  MAGNOLIA TEXAS IS THE NEXT LITTLE PODUNK TOWN SOUTH OF THE RED DOT, WHICH EQUALS ANOTHER 30 MINUTES! Oh, and just so you know, we coulda totally cut through and gone straight to Magnolia from Katy. Thank you, Navigator Tony, for taking the effing scenic route! lol)
We had just travelled an hour and a half NORTH to Planterseffingville Texas.  Now, we had to travel SOUTH to Magnoliaeffing, Texas. I love this road trip so far.  And, here's the best part; the Renaissance Festival isn't in Planterseffingville Texas OR in Magnoliaeffing Texas! It's in Todd Effing Mission Texas! Sunova.......!!!!!

We get to our hotel at 5pm. What should have been a safe 3 hour trip had turned into a 5 hour scary ass trip.  Nonetheless, I was glad to be somewhere where there was a Domino's Pizza, a Walgreens AND a gas station!!!

We quickly unload the truck and make it just in time to catch the next shuttle to the festival in Todd Mission, Texas (where ever the hell that is).
The shuttle was driven by Jose who had a very strong Mexican accent.  He was nice and talkative.  Tony was carrying a conversation with him,  Not sure how, because even with my expert Espanol skills,  I barely understood what he was saying. 

Tony: "So, how are you, Jose?"
Jose: "Oh, I'm bedy goot. dees ees my firs day on thees job, so, jou know, ees nice."
Tony: "Oh, cool.  So do you live around here?"
Jose: "I leev abou tirty minets eway in cornrow." (you have to actually roll the r to get the full effect.  Oh, and he was saying Conroe).
Tony: "I see."
There was more conversation between the inexperienced navigator and the experienced navigator but I won't bore you with what was said.  Plus, it takes way too much energy to try and spell incorrectly. I think I've bored you enough.  So, from here, I'll post pics from the Renaissance Festival that we actually made it too!

Upon walking in we see this lad next to the ATM machines.  I'm sure he had no idea what these things were.

Everything was just really  cool! It was like we were actually back in time, except for when I looked down and saw my capri jeans and modern day sandals. 



We were 'MiLord' and 'MiLady' all day long! It was soooo cool! The costumes and outfits were pretty awesome!

This is the jousting area where the fireworks were held at the end of the night.

Yup, they even had stinky elephant rides.  I didn't ride only because my nose couldn't bear the smell!

 



It was a fantastic time overall.  The food was good, the drinks (slushies) were great, the company was awesome and I can't wait until next year! We'll actually KNOW where to go- on a full tank of gas! The road trip home was fun too!

Look closely, there's a foot hanging out of the trunk! This was the perfect ending for this trip! lol

~MiLady