A: Do you realize that if you don't start working out soon, I will be hanging below the back of your knees?
Me: YES! OK, OK! What do you suppose I do?
A: Work out.
Me: What? I haven't done that in like 20 years.
A: Point taken.
Me: Dammit! You're right! I will look into this 'working out' thing you speak of.
A: Legs, arms, belly and I all agree that you'll be in a swimsuit by summer if one: you stop hydrating with margaritas after your workout and two: if you actually 'work out'.
Me: Fine.
So, after our little conversation, I ventured out on my new workout journey.
Lucky for me, I happen to know a Personal Trainer. Carla. So, I went to my first workout class with her last week. My thoughts: She's definitely in shape, so that's a plus. She's little so she can't be that rough. She's super sweet so she'll sympathize and she's a long time friend so, I won't have to worry that she's gonna kill me. It's perfect!
I get to the gym, she welcomes me with open arms. "Awwww, sweet Carla! You look amazing! You're obviously doing very well. This is gonna be fun! I brought snacks and a pillow just in case we need to take a break and chit chat. I also brought a blankie because gyms are usually a little chilly. Should I take off my jewelry so that it looks like I'm really working out? I'll keep my powder and gloss right here next to me so that I can freshen up between reps. Awww, I'm so glad I came!"
This whole experience was a total lie!!!! First of all, I almost died in the first 10 minutes. There was NO rest time, no break time and definitely no chit chat time. I could hardly catch my breath! I was hyperventilating between reps instead of freshening up. I was sweating profusely through every pore on my body thanks to the open 'garage' like wall and 120 degree temperature. I had voluntarily driven myself to a hard core 'BOOT'ycamp and was unsure if I would make it out alive. Thank goodness I had already posted an entry about my wants and wishes for my funeral. Carla, wasn't that sweet, little, adorable girl I knew. As soon as the door shut, it was like she grew two heads and her teeny, muscular, perfect little body turned into that of the hulk! She wasn't a shade of green, though. I was. She had all these work out devices that scared the shit out of me. A tombstone that she called an 8 lb medicine ball, a piece of barbed wire that she referred to as an elastic band and a rope that she probably used to strangle innocent victims if they tried to escape! "What have I done? I'm slowly dying and I didn't even say good bye to my babies!"
Finally, the time came when I was able to freely leave the torture chamber. Every part of my body was working together to hold me up. Even my ass was pissed off for working so hard! I felt like a newborn calf. I was shaky, weak, and not looking so hot but I successfully completed 15 minutes! lol totally kidding. I completed 45 minutes and strangely enough I agreed to go to more classes! My reward: Cabo with my margarita enjoying the sun in my two piece swimsuit at the awesome age of 42!
All aside, I must say that was an awesome experience! Carla knows what she's doing. She'll motivate you, she's experienced, she teaches her classes with everything she has, and she allows you to curse at her if you need to! Seriously, for those of you who want to get healthy, get in shape and make a life style change, see her! She's great!!! She doesn't really have two heads. I promise! That's just how I see things. I'm actually excited about my next torture!
"Thank you, Carla, for keeping me motivated and for doing what you do! You are awesome!" And now it's time for me to 'go be awesome'!!!
To be continued...
~torture victim
No comments:
Post a Comment