First thing's first, I met Jill 4500 hundred years ago and we instantly hit it off! She is this amazing individual who cares about every soul that crosses her path! We worked together for a while and always shared laughs, made fun of people who would come into the bank (especially the ones who stunk, or wore the weirdest, see through outfits. Some even wore the shortest skirts and would leave their 'mark' on the chair- Don't be concerned, I won't discuss further for the sake of me not throwing up!) So, anyway, I'm taking you, the reader, into our vacation journey.
Jill and I shared some of the best times at work so it was only right that we take a trip to Reno! Right? Right! We were on our way to meet and greet and hopefully sleep with Jason Aldean (jj)! Meet and greet for sure! The sleeping was only in our dreams! Our trip started out on Friday and ended on a Sunday. Seemed like a three week vacation! It was soooo much fun! The people we encountered along the way probably wouldn't agree that we were pleasant to be around, but whatever. I don't remember all the little details mainly because that's what alcohol does to a person, but I certainly remember our laughs! It started on the plane from San Antonio. For some reason we just had the giggles. And you know how you need to be quiet and pay attention to the flight attendants in case we crash? Well, we were laughing so hard we didn't even care. If we were going down, we would go down laughing! Scary! We finally make it to our lay over in Denver (I believe). I don't remember exiting the plane. I'm pretty sure we stayed on the same plane. However, I vagely remember fighting over the seat by the window! So who knows if we got onto another plane or not! Jill obviously wore the pants in our weekend vacation- more on this later, so, because of this, I got stuck in the middle seat and she got to view all the sights from the window. Still, we laughed and had a couple drinks. In walks this guy and sits next to me! Jill and I were still busting at the seams with laughter and just couldn't stop! I was so sore from laughing at this point and we hadn't even made it to our destination! The guy next to me, you could tell, was soooo annoyed with our laughing. I got the feeling he either wanted to punch us in the face or drug us. Ah, we didn't care, we were on vacation, on our way to meet Jason Aldean!!! Nothing could ruin it for us, not even poopy pants to the left of me! I guess we were both so exhausted from all the laughing (I'm sure the drinks had NOTHING to do with it) that we dozed off! Upon our landing we opened our eyes to find ourselves with our heads leaned up against one another, secretly clearing the drool off our cheeks- poopy pants, to the left of me, was less than thrilled that we woke. How do I know this? He sighed as if to say, 'dammmmit, they're up'. Jill and I looked at each other and the laughter broke out once more!
Locating our luggage at the airport did not go as easily and we thought. We read all the signs and followed all the arrows that led us to the luggage claim but no luggage. We would just wait. Good news is we were the first ones to get there. We could get our luggage with no hastles, no pushing, no shoving, just a smooth transition from airport to shuttle. So, we waited and waited. Nothing. We waited a little longer and nothing. That's when we heard a little voice behind us say, "uh.... ladies... luggage is over here." It was Mr. Poopy pants himself! How long had he been watching our dumb asses wait? Was he deliberately waiting to tell us? Maybe as a payback for not letting him rest on the flight? Was this solely for his amusement? I guess we'll never know. We would like to believe that he was just a nice guy who felt sorry for us just standing there, waiting for nothing. Ya, I'm sure that was it!
Fast forward to the hotel- Remember how I said Jill wears the pants? Well, she took full advantage of being my translator at the register. "We have reservations under Anna." "Anna, give her your credit card." "We'll take that." "Anna, come this way". So on and so on! I know I still had a voice because I heard it in all the laughing I did from SA to Reno (minus the refresher nap on the plane)! It just made me laugh some more! I was the tard for the night! lol Anyway, Saturday comes around...
Saturday, we both wake up hungry, like we hadn't eaten in days! The text we received from our boss that morning didn't in any way ruin our hunger. She sent us a picture showing her mangled face that had been bitten by her dog! Was she trying to join our vacation long distance??? Was she trying to join our fun??? Was she trying to spoil our vacation? Or was she just trying so show us her face for sympathy? We never really knew with her! Jill and I laughed after realizing our dog-loving boss was probably irritating it or farting on it (no need to go into further detail, once again. All inside jokes!). Well, she was ok and she is completely back to normal. Normal? I don't know that she was ever normal! But then again, neither we any of us who worked together! Back to our hunger:
Hunger is awful. As Jill and I were getting ready to annoy others in Reno we thought long and hard about where we could eat. "ummmmm....ya know what sounds soooo gooood right now? OLIVE GARDEN." I couldn't agree more! We were all ready to go when we realized that our watches read 11:30 but in Reno it was only 9:30am!!! OMG! What would we do? What would we eat? How would we feed our famished, petite bodies???? Resolution: Buffet! All you can eat, anything you want, anytime of day, etc., etc.! Perfect!
4000 calories later and no way to walk normally, still laughing, by the way, we totally needed to let our food go down. But how? Where? Everything around us was clinging, rolling, lights flashing, yelling, alarms from winnings, people quickly moving from slot machine to slot machine. This clearly wasn't what we needed. We needed somewhere we could laugh and walk and annoy others instead of them annoying us with their fun! Afterall, we had just consumed what seemed like every cow in Reno! Are there cows there? Still annoying people with our goofiness and giggles, we wouldn't dare ask anyone to take our pictures. We took our own pictures of ourselves- which to this day I cherish.
Now, keep in mind the concert is Saturday night. It's Saturday afternoon shortly after buffet p.m. and now we are headed to nap p.m. It's never good when you open your eyes to a full moon in the middle of the day! lol Jill, with her i don't care what you see attitude, although frightening, was in a sense- a warped sense, pretty funny, even though my corneas would never be the same! This is one of the best characteristics she owns! I'm not talking about her full moon, for those of you with dirty minds! I'm talking about her attitude! ha
Well, we went to the concert, enjoyed meeting and grabbing, I mean, greeting Jason Aldean, and headed back to the hotel room. I'm pretty sure there are details I'm leaving out and I'm pretty sure, if and when Jill reads this, she will add on. But for now, I need to go into the highlight of our trip home.
Toe jam and Quiznos. As we sat in the airport waiting for our flight home we had a brilliant idea! As always. Drinks!!!! 'But we should wash our drinks down with food so we're not completely hysterical on our flight home. I think we've annoyed enough people, therefore, we should really respect others around us and keep it subtle.' We're such good citizens, we always think of others. (eyebrows up-innocent look). So, we're sitting there laughing (but very quietly), when we see this guy walking to his chair, barefoot. Really?? Barefoot? In an airport? Oh, hellll noooo! I cringed at the sight! Ewwww,,, sick!!! Could you imagine what has been on those airport floors? I hated that I was even sitting on the airport chairs fully clothed much less imagining my skin touching those germ-infested floors! Being a little tipsey helps with my germaphobia, so I was able to handle sitting on the chairs a little better. But not even a whole bottle of 80 proof could get me into those airport bathrooms. Totally another story, but anyhoo, now I was left wondering how could anyone take this place as lightly as to walk barefoot? Crazy!
So, this guy finally makes it to his seat (barefoot) with his bag of quiznos in hand. Meanwhile, Jill and I are stunned from the sight, and now we're thinking, 'he's gonna eat'? Whoa. Is this guy gonna wash his hands? Will he at the very least use hand sanitizer? 'Oh, look! Good. He has hand sanitizer. pheww! Wait!!! Jill, do you se....are you seri....OMG!!! It's not hand sanitizer!!! It's lotion!' With our eyes popped out of our heads, hands over our mouths, and phone cams ready to roll we see this guy take the lotion and begin rubbing his feet! I mean in between toes and all!!! Jill and I were, for the very first time very quiet (but only for half a second) because then we bursted out laughing!!! An uncontainable laughter where we couldn't even get a word out, tears falling, cheeks hurting, sides hurting, etc!!! We could not believe what we were seeing! I wish I still had the phone footage to post, but luckily my corneas were once again scarred and this sight will be forever etched in my memory! lol Here's the kicker: he was still eating his Quiznos sandwich in between his self-given foot/toe massage! "Toe jam and Quiznos! yuck!
Yes, there are people out there like that! Needless to say, neither Jill or myself wanted to see this germed, careless, less of a human being individual on our flight.....he was...and headed our way. Once again, Jill got the window seat which left me in the middle with the seat to my right open. OH GOD. If ever I prayed with all my might, it was right then and there! 'please God, you know my issues with germs, you know I'm a good girl, and I let Jill do all the talking this weekend.... please don't let this guy sit next to me! I will be forever grateful! Love, Me!' This is the instant I knew for a fact God listens to prayers! Mr. Toe Jam sat in the seat in front of me! I was just thankful it wasn't next to me!
Jill, if you're reading this, you need to conclude our trip with our flight home from Denver....ping...'uh, 'scuse me, can you tell us what's going on up front?'......
And Jill, just so you know, that was, to date, the best out of state trip/vacation of all time!!! Love ya, my friend!
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