Inconsiderate Birds from Hell!

I've come to the conclusion that there is a conspiracy between birds and car washes!  Do they somehow communicate to one another?  Is there something I've missed my entire life?  This is crucial!!  Especially for me.  I hate washing my car,,, and even worse,,, I hate spending almost ten dollars for an 'undercarriage' wash which means absolutely nothing to me!  No one sees under your car unless you have my car who acts up every once in a while and enjoys going to the 'car doctor'!!!  I'm more interested in getting a wash that is less expensive and can remove all pieces of bird poop off my car entirely!  (Honestly, I'm more interested in spending 7 dollars on a margarita).  No such luck.  I strongly believe these dumbass birds have it in for me.  Everytime I waste 7-10 dollars on a stinking car wash, it's like these evil, winged creatures have just eaten a butt load (literally speaking, I might say) and release their waste on my newly washed car!  What's even worse, is that I'm afraid they'll get me one day.  So, am I to believe that when I take a shower they'll release on me?? 
I've never wanted a bibi gun so bad my whole life!  I would love to 'ping' the crap (literally, once more) out of them!  Uh,,,, today was a bad morning.  I walk out and what do I see?  You guessed it,,, bird poop all over my car.  Pissed off, I look around at the other 3 vehicles around my car and nothing!!!  Absolutely nothing!!  Just my car!  Could this be a prelude to my day??? Getting shit on?  lol  Well, the day is halfway done and I have DWTS (which I strongly think Elisabetta should be the next to go) to look forward to! 
Until then, my car is covered in poop and I can only hope these inconsiderate birds will have mercy on my checkbook!  Or,,,, we'll be all set for Thanksgiving dinner with these birds! It's so disgusting!