As many of you know, I am T.E.R.R.I.F.I.E.D. of Spiders, any kind and definitely all sizes! Scared to the point that my pits start itching, my scalp begins to feel like it's on fire, my heart starts pounding and my legs begin to feel weak, which doesn't help one bit because if I needed to run, I probably would just fall to the ground where this creature would then attack me and eventually kill me. It's a weird thought that a teeny, little guy maybe the size of my pinkie nail could do such harm, but I'm not willing to take any chances! Stranger things have happened and with my luck, my story would end up on the front of a news paper entitled, 'harmless, pinkie nail size spider attacks and kills wonderful, loving, caring, thoughtful, hardworking, awesome mother of two'. (This is MY blog and I can title it however I want!)
Anyway, today, I was at work and I was simply entering a contract when through my awesome peripheral vision I see (on the ivory walls) a little black speck that happens to be moving quite quickly. I adjust my vision and I see this enormous, giant monster (by enormous and giant I mean teeny and weeny) making it's way onto the back of the chair that happens to be way to close to my desk! There are two clients sitting two chairs down, a male and female. I stand up and instantly feel light headed. I'm wondering, at this point, how the hell I'm going to NOT make a scene. Is this thing venomous? Could it possibly kill a human? These are all valid questions. I know this has to be taken care of, but how??? The desk is my only 'wall' of protection. I'm starting to sweat. The thing JUMPS onto the chair, my eyes enlarge, mouth drops and now I'm thinking, 'this shit is gonna jump at me and bite me'! I see the lady's purse, open on the chair next to her. Secretly, I'm hoping this thing jumps into her purse while she's busy bumping her gums, zips it up on her way out and done! No worries! But, instead, the couple notices I'm looking faint and ask me what's wrong. I just point. They act like they can't even see the thing (which they really probably couldn't being that it was camouflaged into the wood of the chair and super tiny). But whatever! The guy stands up and goes over to the chair and kneels beside it (I'm thinking, 'wrong thing to do mister,,,you're in a vulnerable position,,,you won't be able to run if you need to!'). The guy, who has now become my hero, takes his hand, cups the creature and captures it! YAY! But..... He doesn't kill the thing. Instead, he cares for it, takes it outside and releases it as if it were a harmless little puppy who joyfully licks you! Not my hero anymore. Now that thing knows I wanted it killed and may come back for revenge. What if this thing calls in for his backup? What if the 'big ones' come back with him? More than likely it has a mother and/or relatives somewhere. Now... I'm doomed! I'm gonna die! I'm not even sure that having raid or a ninja squad would help feel better. I have a headache.
I looked up 'harmless spiders' online and was hoping to only see verbiage explaining what it was I encountered earlier in the day. It's like Google knows I'm deathly afraid of spiders and decided to mess with me by having big-ass pictures pop up right in front of me! I held my breath, picked up my feet, scrunched my toes together and 'x'ed out of there! I was totally sweating at this point and decided NOT to do any research after all.
If anyone out there is an arachnologist (?) and can ease my suffering by explaining what Google chose not to explain to me, I would greatly appreciate it!
~ ?
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