Not your typical Saturday night!

(Clearing throat)... hmmm....so this summer, so far, has been filled with as much fun as I could possibly have, while going through personal stuff not worth mentioning.  The last two months or so have consisted of out of town visits almost every weekend, dancing, a drinkie poo or two, lots of eating to fill my double chin and my big ass, a few spilled drinks on my dress (thank you, 'youknowho'), late night outings, a broken ring (again, thank you 'youknowwho'), a little Joel Osteen (courtesy of Aunt Mary's TV), lots of makeup (not all at one time), lots of hairspray (not all at one time), a crap load of gasoline, great dinners at cool places,  reunion with old school pals, laughter and a some fun pics that make memories all worth it! But none of that compared to the fun I had Saturday night.  Totally exaggerating. After blowing a few bucks on jewelry beads (90.00 to be exact) earlier that day, I felt no buyers remorse...until about 4pm when I realized I just filled a void with a needless expense.  Oh well,,,, moving right along...
My sister and I decided that going out would be necessary to continue filling my void.  Done.  She invited her friend, Myrandah (from good ol Converse Texas) to join us.  She accepted and we'd be on our way in about 6 hours.  Meanwhile, Krista and I are busy beading, waiting for the time to pass.  It couldn't go by fast enough! I was soooo excited to go out, dance, laugh and have the best time! It's exactly what I needed after my long day! Myrandah shows up with her 'skinny' vodka and cranberry juice.  Our 'pre-game' was short lived and we headed to bigger and better! Cowboys! The night so far had been going great. The girls looked great, and I was wearing exactly what I planned.  I didn't have 400 wardrobe changes! This was awesome! The parking couldn't have been any better, pretty much front row.  We walk in, the music is perfect and we find a place to sit, in the very back close to the stage.  There are a couple tables around us but it just so happened that the table across from us had a little more action going on than ours...a couple making out.  I mean REALLY gettin' into it! I caught a glimpse but really didn't pay any attention.  I was too busy trying to check out the dance floor too see who had moves like Jagger. Not too many.  Myrandah and Krista were talking about something and kinda hiding a laugh.  Of course, I was curious. I lean over to Myrandah (I'm now going to refer to her as 'M'- her name is way too long) and said, "what?" She leans towards me, covering her mouth, and says, "check 'em out" and gives a little nod with her head.  I said, "I know, sweet huh?" M gave me the weirdest look and says, "those are two girls!" Silence. Eh...to each their own! Now, anyone who knows me knows I could care less how people decide to live their lives. People should be free to live as they choose!  Who am I to judge, right?  But I must admit, it was a little awkward to see two girls playing tonsil hockey so close to me. lol! The night continues, laughs continue, pics are taken, it's a good night so far.  I get asked to dance by this little guy who looks like Opie Taylor from the Andy Griffith Show (look it up if you need to- yes, I'm old!).  So I go dance...what could possibly happen.  It's just a dance, no big deal.  Ten seconds into the dance I start to think that maybe I should have NOT worn my first choice after all.  My shirt flew open, on the dance floor, a total of 3 times before the song ended! 3 times this 'not wanna be Janet Jackson' had to stop and redo her shirt! Now, let me just say, the shirt I was wearing does not require an undershirt and had I not eatin' a bazillion calories this summer, I probably could have gotten away with not wearing the undershirt, HOWEVER, I would never do that anyway. And thank goodness for that! The 'girls' would have been out on the town, literally! No bueno. That was the first, and last dance of the night.  I was totally ok with that. 
M goes to dance, KVela (my sister from anotha mista) goes to get a round of drinks.  I'm sitting there, waiting,  still trying to figure out what just happened on the dance floor when I feel a chin on my left shoulder and hear, "ooh you're making it hot in here".  Confused, my eyes opened widely, then quickly went into a squint.  Three things crossed my mind in half a second; 'M is still on the floor, KVela is not here and that is not a man's voice'.  I didn't want to turn my face being that there was another face directly by my ear and any swift move on my part could result in something I don't care to experience.  I immediately said, 'I'm sorry, what?" Again, she, yes she, says, "You're making it hot in here." I, at this point, had become frozen and unable to speak.  Confusion had completely taken over.  I was no longer laughing OR thinking about my wardrobe malfunction on the dance floor.  I quickly move over once the shock wore off and tried to understand what just happened.  She smiles at me and says, "It's ok, I was just saying." That was totally weird and has never happened to me before.  Was I giving off a manly vibe? Was I not wearing enough girly perfume? Or was I wearing too much of it?? Hmm... I sat there, still in shock, then thought to myself...'I still got it'! lol  I took that as a compliment and moved on.  My next compliment came waaaay tooo sooooon.  I had walked into the bathroom to take care of business and came across the 'hockey' playing couple from the next table.  The 'girlfriend' had her head clearly in the trashcan leaving behind what she couldn't handle.  I paused and felt the dry heaving coming on. I walked a little faster into the bathroom and prayed I wouldn't hear the sounds of upchuck.  Ugh! I get through the next few minutes and as I'm washing my hands this girl, who is standing at the next sink, says in a '1-900' tone, "I saw your blouse come undone on the dance floor." Again, confusion set in and now I'm thinking some one's playing a joke on me.  lol! This has never happened and all of a sudden I'm out with M and KVela and I get hit on twice, by two girls, in less than an hour??? No way!!! I was still confused and offered only half a grin and a nervous 'ha'. I hauled ass out of there back to the table where just a few minutes earlier I had received a previous 'hit'! lol  I wasn't gonna let this bother me and make me feel uncomfortable..no way.  I was here to have a good time, just not that good.
The night comes to close and we walk over to the bar area so M could close out her tab.  I stood a ways off and waited patiently.  My next compliment came from an over sized Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels from Dumb and Dumber). His hair was exactly the same.  The only difference was this guy was missing teeth and had breath that stunk like 30 day old dead fish! He was waaaay to close to my nose when he asked me to dance.  I jerked my head back while wrinkling my nose and hoped that my eyes wouldn't water too much that my makeup would smear.  "I'm on my way out, but I would have loved to have had your breath kill me on the dance floor!" I'm sure he could tell I was less than impressed but I'm also sure he was too drunk to care.  He says, while stumbling over, "ya shur 'r purty".  O.M.G. Someone kill me now! I walk off.  M and KVela are still at the counter.  I continue to walk and from behind a column steps out this little dude, wearing jeans that were about 6 sizes too big being held up by his belt, a tucked in, white shirt and a 10 gallon hat that was ridiculously huge on him.  Poor guy. He says to me in his squeaky pitched voice, "wanna dance?" "uh....no." I kept walking.  What started out as a good night had become a nightmare! The only good part of the night was my company, M and KVela.  Between M making fun of people, losing the back to her phone and KVela testing out her dancing skills with a guy named Wally, I had plenty to laugh about! The only thing left to do was to go eat, of course.  Where else but the infamous Taco Cabana.  We have great memories there- regress for a moment.
Years ago I went to my mom's house for lunch to find my sister's car parked out front.  She wasn't in school??? Nope.  But why? Was my sissie ok? I'd find out soon enough that she,,,AND HER FRIENDS, were totally ok.  In fact, they were just 'hanging out', skipping school.  This included M! I couldn't believe it! Skipping? OMG! I would have never done that! I was appalled....and excited that I had people to eat lunch with!! "Let's go to Taco Cabana!" We all loaded up and never told mom that I contributed to their 'Ferris Bueller' day off. Anyway, back to our night.  Taco Cabana it is! We walk in, M and KVela go to the bathroom, I get in line and order our tacos and WATER.  By this time, M and KVela are out of the bathroom and filling their cups...with SODA!  "I didn't pay for soda!!! I got you water!!!" M just laughs and walks off. KVela does the same thing. At this point I'm having flashbacks when Krista stole the serendipity salt from Bush's chicken! I know it's only soda, but damn!! Well, being the good friend/sister that I am I couldn't let them go to jail alone...I got soda too! What a rebel! lol  Anyway, we're sitting there, enjoying our food and these two knuckleheads, both from Converse, are talking about the girls at the other table and how they had said something about them being in the bathroom together... I don't know... don't care to know...I just want to enjoy my food, get into my car safely and get home so I can go to bed and forget about the incidents that took place earlier that night.  No.  They are talking about how their gonna kick ass and fight and how they're ready, and this and that and blah, blah, blah!!! I start to get nervous simply because I don't want to get beat up- at all.  Thankfully, those people leave, no fight, no dirty looks, except for the ones my sister was giving out and we finish our food in peace!
Aside from all the unexpected bits n pieces of the night, it was a pretty cool time with M and KVela! So, with that said, "thank you girls for making my night interesting, fun and full of memories! love y'all tons!!!"

~until next time,
Naaaaaaaan (yuck) lol