Tradition? What tradition?

Tradition went out the window long before I was born! 

Christmas gifts:

In Gracie's home we all know what we're getting, from HER, not Santa, roughly about 2-4 weeks prior to Christmas!  Even if you don't want to see the gift or know what it is she will tell you! Worst case scenario she'll be holding it up right in front of you! 

Oh, she loves spoiling it for us believers!  That's just the way it is at her house.  There's absolutely no element of surprise.  I've come to believe that she may have been one of Santa's elves in her past life and enjoys wrapping Christmas gifts so much, therefore, Santa delivers all gifts to her early enough so that she has time to show them to us then wrap them up.  Here's the thing: I've decided I will be writing a letter to Santa letting him know that we would all appreciate it if he could deliver all gifts in June or July so that at least we have time to forget about what we're getting and we can somewhat be surprised upon opening our gifts.  Plus, it would knock one house off his list! 
Santa brings us all gifts, because we've all been good through the year so it's not really necessary for Gracie to try and out do her title of 'Elf of the Year'

 by getting additional gifts for every member of the family! It just makes the rest of us look bad!  We could draw names so that we all feel the greatness of actually participating in the Christmas exchange, but nope! Gracie has to out do us every year!  Where does this woman get the cash?  I think she stashes cash through the year from her drug dealing (she says she and Adrian need all these different medications for their illnesses, but neither one of them seems to be getting better! OMG!  Gracie's not only a terrible garage sale driver, she's a pusher!! lol!) She brings all out all her earnings around this time of year just to have the satisfaction of making us look like total Ebenezers!  Nice job, Mom!

Oh!  The opening of the gifts!!!  I musn't forget!  The whole, 'wait til midnight' or 'Christmas morning' thing does not exist!  We're lucky if we even make it to Christmas Eve!!!  Gracie thinks that Christmas Eve is the 'right time'.  Huh?  Right time for what?  For our 'surprise' gifts?  Hardly!  Especially because we've all known what our gifts are since the beginning of October!

Reindeer food: nope!  Even though we must feed the deer that help pull Santa and his heavy sleigh, Gracie disapproves of spreading Reindeer food in her yard because it's messy.  I don't know what kind of Reindeer food she thinks we're spreading out there in the yard, but I'm more than sure it's not gonna be the bones from the road kill Adrian picked up and probably cooked for us! ("It's deer meat.  It's tasty.  You like tamales, don't you?" Me: "yes, but why does this piece of meat look like it still has a badger head on it?  With teeth?!?! I'm gonna go ahead and have my sandwich I brought from home. Thanks though,,,y'all enjoy!") Anyway, the reindeer food is mainly oats and a few kibbles and maybe some glitter so it reflects off the moonlight just right!  Totally safe and OK! I say we amp it up this year and throw a little dressing and gravy on the kibbles!  They work hard!  Especially Rudolph!  He not only has to lead the way, he has to keep his nose lit for quite a while!  Kuddos Rudolph! 

Christmas cookies:  The only ones are the ones I make and they're usually eaten before Santa arrives!  Even if I make them Christmas Eve, Krista has already said they will be gone! hmmm... I can't imagine how... 

Christmas caroling: What???  No one in my family can carry a tune except for me and Uncle Robert!  lol  If we ever went out in our neighborhood, I'm sure no one would open the door!  In fact, they would probably turn up their TV to drown our the noise.  And there's no way we'd go caroling at my apartment complex!!!  We'd get shot!  Converse baby, Converse! lol

Somehow, my Dad's family managed to save just a teeny bit of tradition,,, the gifts.  I think it's because none of us live close enough to each other.  Even though Santa should just make one stop at Grandma's the night before to make travelling easier for each family, I'm sure he takes into consideration my Grandma lives alone and would probably shoot him dead upon entering the front door!  She doesn't have a fireplace, so this kinda throws things off a little.  I'm a little suspicious of the gift wrapping paper and how each family has thier own kind, but I'm not gonna let that throw me. SANTA IS REAL- even though the uncles get satisfaction from seeing our faces when they tell us Santa is dead!

This is probably why their names appear on the naughty list each year!
Obviously, we don't go Christmas caroling.  Christmas is a 'one day' thing on Daddy's side of the family and even though there are a few more of us who can carry a tune, I don't think Angela's rendition of 'Pearly Shells' or Tia Mary's rendition of 'I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home' would cut it at Christmas time!  So, we don't carol!
The food is awesome, usually cooked by Grandma Gomez (remember the menu) and is delish!  I'm just thankful She's still able to do all that she does at the tender age of 89!  She loves giving gifts! In fact, her favorite thing to give is money (wooohoooo) or a cookie press (eh!) I'm also thankful she's not yet given us one of her lamps with no lamp shade!  lol  However, we could make that the new 'leg lamp' of our family!

I desperately try to keep some sort of tradition for the young kids and babies of the family but mostly for me!  I love Christmas time, being with my family, baking cookies for Santa, waiting for his arrival, waking up Christmas morning to unwrap gifts that are REAL surprises and seeing the faces of the little ones when we toss reindeer food in the yard!  It's so much fun- always.
 I have two choices on what too wear on my head this year;  a santa hat

or my headband that has a coil and mistletoe on the end of it! 

I'm thinking the Santa hat for family time and headband for, well,,,,Santa himself!  A kiss on the cheek from Santa would be the best gift of all!  :)  But that's as far as that would go...my heart belongs to Mr. Grinch! 

More on the untraditional Christmas countdown as it unfolds.... stay tuned!  I'm sure it'll be nothing less than what Clark Griswold delivered in Christmas Vacation! 

Tootleloo buckaroos!