I'm having such a good day so far! I feel great, rested (finally), and I'm ready to take on the world! Well, I wouldn't go that far! But nonetheless, I feel awesome and looooooook amazing today! Well, I wouldn't go that far either.
As some of you know, I moved myself and my boys into what seemed to be a great place to live. It was perfect! New complex, in the school districts, good deal for a 3 bedroom, hard wood floors, granite counter tops, black appliances, rooms situated on opposite sides of the apartment, etc., etc.! I couldn't wait to move in and have our 'own home' again! October 8th was the move in day. Some of you have read about my little adventures with the neighbors (the upstairs terrorists and the downstairs bandits). It hasn't been exactly what I thought it would be...in more ways than one. :(
First of all, let me point out the positives:
New place= no one lived in this apartment before me which means everything is shiny new, unused, clean (perfect for my OCD), no dirty bare feet have crossed my carpet in my bedroom, no previous butts have sat on my toilet or bathtub (BIG plus!) and no previous deaths in that apartment which means there aren't any ghosts I have to worry about (another BIG plus!).
Now for the negatives:
The counter tops are NOT real granite!!!! OMG! What?? I didn't even know 'fake' granite existed! Very disappointing. Can't talk about this anymore.
The 'hard wood floors' are NOT real either! Ugh! [pulling my hair out] Whhhyyyy?
Not enough hot water. I would soooo love to enjoy my bath/shower in my garden tub with plenty of hot water (oh, wait! I don't have a garden tub at this place!). My schedule has dwindled down to this: Monday's, Wednesday's and Saturday's showers consist of 'body washing'. Tuesday's and Sunday's consist of 'hair washing' and Thursday is dedicated to shaving my legs! My dream is to one day have enough hot water to be able to do all of these things at once so I don't look homeless or better yet, a chia pet! How will I cope with a complete hot water shower??? IDK. But, sooo looking forward to that one day soon!
The walls are paper thin. I literally can hear the people upstairs when they go to the bathroom. Then, the big flush. It's so annoying! I can hear the people downstairs when they are arguing and practically killing each other.
The 'new and improved' answering service. NOT. No one wants to leave a message in an emergency! This is equally annoying, especially when you REALLY need someone to answer! Thank goodness, Officer Garcia (who lives on the premises) had given me his cell number. Score! This is like valet parking! Poor guy. This was his first mistake! lol But I'm thankful!
With in the first month I had literally called and complained on both, upstairs and downstairs families at least twice a week. Thankfully, the upstairs terrorists had been evicted, but not because of me, but because of illegal activity they were involved with. Heaven only knows what it was! But great! They were out! All I cared about was the peace I would now have. Boy, was I wrong! The 87 people that burrowed below me like a pack of rats in a sewerage were just as noisy! Only, the sounds that came from there were yelling, fighting, kids crying at all hours of the night, etc.! I still was unable to get any sleep. I was still calling and complaining-to an answering machine! And I was still wanting, more than ever, to line them all up and slap them! At this point, I was not worried about 'walking softly' anymore! I would, from now on, act as though I lived on the first floor and walk normal! Maybe even wear my high heels around the house [evil look] 'just for fun'.
Fast forward to December. So, the terrorists are out and in come the 'Happy Feet' family complete with uncontrollable toddlers who enjoy running, yelling, dropping crap on the floor and knocking things off my walls! Oh yes! It's quite awesome! I love nothing more than waking to the sounds of little feet trampling back and forth- especially on my days off! Coming home to this lovely sound makes me want to dance with joy! I absolutely loooove paying over a thousand dollars for rent too! Seriously though, it takes all I have in me not to get my broom and knock the crap out of the ceiling! Tacky, I know, but every time I call and complain, the cops don't get there until they're done with their donut break (usually about an hour or hour and a half later) and by then, all noise is down to almost nothing. So to Starsky and Hutch I look like a total liar!
What I experienced a few weeks ago was the icing on the cake! I mean the sprinkles of all sprinkles, flavored fondant, the biggest of all sugar roses and decorations,,, you get it, right?
I come home from work one day, ready to go for my yearly run and see the downstairs neighbor, whom we will, at this point, refer to as Madea, on the stairs leading up to my apartment, cussing (as usual) on her phone. She wasn't whispering or using what everyday people would call a 'normal tone'. I'm sure the folks in the nearby cities heard her! She stops me. "Uh Miss?" Me: [big swallow and hoping she meant the other person behind me. There was no one.] "Yes?" Madea: "Do you know which apartment the Popo (cop) live in?" Me: [thinking: Crap! This is it! If I tell her where Officer Garcia resides, he may never help me out again, or I could tell her I don't know and possibly be risking my life and the lives of my offspring. Or, I could say, "no speakie Englich" and hope to God she doesn't know Espanol!] "I believe it's the third floor, but I'm not sure which apartment." Madea: "Ok, ok, I think I know which one. Thank you Miss". Jacob, Austin and I proceed to enter our sanctuary of peace (ya, right!). Anyway, I'm about two minutes away from inflicting more unnecessary pain from running when I hear two loud bangs!!!!! No joke, I ducked! Didn't even try to protect my boys! What kind of mother am I?? Every man for himself! lol jj! It wasn't that bad. I'm more than sure it was just the door shutting. But honestly, I was a little scared for a second. I thought, gunshots? No way! Not here! I looked out my balcony door and I was right. There was no gun and no gunshots were fired. Just a crazy ass lady chasing her ex (I'm guessing) with a knife. Oh, ya. Unbelievable! I've never seen or been around such craziness. Well, with the exception of my family, but we don't chase people with knives! So, imagine this; I had peeked out my balcony, opened my door and stepped out when I saw this guy on top of her vehicle and she's going around him like a shark trying to get his prey- with a knife! I scramble, freak out, eyes wide open, turn to go back into my safe haven, bump into Austin who is directly behind me and push him back into the apartment and quickly shut the door (side note: Austin is ALWAYS around me)! My heart is pounding out of my chest, I'm probably drooling and sweating from fear alone and somehow managed NOT to crap myself! I'm now trying to call the answering service (oh ya, I'll need to leave a message!) [Me thinking: YOU HAVE THE OFFICER'S CELL NUMBER!]. I'm now in fetal position trying to dial the officers phone number when I hear sirens! Hallelujah! The boys and I peek out the window and again, I cannot believe what we are seeing! The cop cars are speeding down the street from the complex, pass the entrance, come to a screeching halt, do a u-turn, and turn into the garden home subdivision ACROSS the street! Obviously, they realize they are NOT in the right place, circle around and drive into OUR complex. They get to the gate and enter into the wrong side, come to another screeching halt, turn around and finally, finally get to the right place! Talk about circus clowns on wheels! By this time, all has calmed down except the kids outside who are now frightened by what they saw! Now the circus hero's are walking around, questioning people. Standard policy. Hmmm... how about making standard policy getting where ever it is they need to be- on time and possibly knowing where they need to go?
Long story short, they arrest Madea. But not without a fight. Really very interesting but more so, really sad.
A year ago I was falling asleep to the nasal sounds of the Nanny. I would've never guessed a year later I'd be falling asleep, in fear, to the sounds of sirens every night! What the hell? I currently live in the Ghetto. I am NOT equipped to live this way. I do not own a grill (for my teeth), I do not have prison tats, I cannot fight to save my life, and I most definitely do not know the language of gangsta! I will be needing a crash course in gang survival! At this point, that should be part of the move in process!
Fast forward a little more to the night before last: Madea and her family reunion were evicted when the knife pursuit went down, however, for some unknown reason, there were a couple people there because the noise went on til 2am! I woke up at 6am, which means I only had 4 crappy hours of sleep. Yesterday, I could not function for the life of me. I looked like death. Hair up in a semi-twisted bun, bags under my eyes, makeup barely on and what was on was smeared and clumpy. I didn't care. I wore the baggiest sweater I had with whatever pants I could find and flats! FLATS! Not even nice ones! Just flats! I looked like I had spent the night under a bridge and was not a happy camper!
Fast forward to last night: No noise from 'Happy Feet' and no ruckus from Madea and her Family Reunion. It was a quiet night and I actually slept a full night with no interruptions. This morning I woke to birds chirping, sun shining and breakfast in bed courtesy of two wonderful boys who woke up early, got dressed for school, made breakfast and washed all the dishes! I had plenty of hot water for a wonderful shower, I heard no one peeing and we were all on schedule with time to spare. OK, none of that is true, except the full night's sleep. This morning was still a great morning! My hair looks decent, make up on correctly and quite nice, I might add, outfit matching, and high heel shoes! I didn't even complain about having to put gas in my car! Life is good. Now to face my evening! Tell me this isn't a dream and if it is,,, please,,,please,,, don't. wake. me!
Oh.My.Gosh.
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