Breathe In....

So much to catch you up on.  I'll begin with the night before Turksgiving.  The baking was well underway.  Jacob managed to whip up some delicious toffee cookies- from scratch, while I was at work!  There were about a bazillion of 'em fresh out of the oven.  That's always when goodies are best aren't they? My family would agree to disagree. They love 'em all the time!  Which is a good thing because I had a crap load of goodies in a big box for Thanksgiving day.  We had, of course, the cookies Jacob made and the other stuff I made which included caramel apple cake, sugar cookies, bunuelos, cherry dump cake, cheesecake and a few other kinds of treats.  Fresh out of the oven, they were a total hit!
We head over to Gracie's around noon Turksgiving Day and walk into a feast of food that would make any rich Hollywood family jealous! I mean, there were hot dogs, tuna sandwiches and all the trimmings!  lol  just kidding!  We, of course, had the traditional Thanksgiving meal.  It was awesome.  My accomplice (Krista) and I made sure we didn't overload so we'd be able to attack Black Friday that night.  I had originally planned to head out around 2am (not sure why, because you either camped out or got to the stores at 10 or 12 respectively).  2am?  Random time, I know.  I think it was just because I didn't want to get trampled to death upon the opening of the doors.  IDK,,,I'm not a professional Black Friday Murderer. 
I head home around 6pm or so to prepare for my new adventure that would be in session in a few hours.  I had done my homework and research about what to take, what to wear and how I needed to be aggressive.  My aggressive outfit choice...

Mistake number one- I told Krista I would meet her at Wal-Mart at 10pm.  She was going to pick up our prego sis-in-law (who will be having this kid any week now) and head over to Wal-Mart.  Naturally, I didn't want to ride alone and took my own sidekick with me.  Austin.

 He wore shorts, a tee, and a Santa hat, which came in handy after I lost him a couple times in the riot at Wal-Mart.  The time is 10:15pm.  I had already lost Austin twice--in 15 minutes!  The crowds were just too much to handle, not too mention the B.O. that accompanied some vagrants looking for the best deals!  Really?  You should head over to the deodorant dept.! Oh. My. God.  The lines, the selfish people, the yelling, the mace, the body odor...all too much for this inexperienced Black Friday shopper like myself!  The time is 10:20pm.  I told Austin to ditch our empty shopping cart so we could get the hell outta there!  And we did!  "Well, that was a success! We should celebrate at Whataburger"! Austin, without hesitation, agrees.  It was apparent that we had not eaten enough throughout the day and needed to 'recharge'. He orders a number 1 combo with a milkshake

and I went for the number 7, no onions, no tomatoes, toasted buns, cheese and a Dr. Pepper.  We literally sat there and talked, in disbelief, about the chaos we had just survived.  As we were sitting there I realized that we never ran into Krista and Jamie.  Probably because the lack of communication.  We went to one Wal-Mart, they went to another!  Dumbies!  Anyway, Jamie was sure that if she stood in line at Wal-Mart she could purchase the ONE THING she wanted; a game system.  haaaaa...haaaaa...!  My sister goes off to pay for the stuff she found on sale and leaves poor, preggers in line- starving, I might add!  But my nice, considerate sister decides to get James a snack (we DID NOT pack any as the online tips instructed)!  Krista heads back with a snack for preggers only to find her sitting on a lawn chair (in the store) with a box of fries some lady gave her!  lol  Needless to say, Jamie left with a semi-full belly and no game system!  She would've needed to camp out, mace a couple folks, and climb over the rafters to get one.  Oh well, maybe next year!

By this time it's 11:30pm and we have not one thing that I've purchased except our rechargeable meals at Whataburger!  Fresh fries- "thanks Whataburger"! 

Mistake number two- Austin and I decide to head over to Best Buy.  We turn into the shopping center and spot the world's longest line at Toys R Us.  "Thank goodness we're not going there", Austin says. I follow that comment up with, "Ya, look at our Best Buy line.  Not long at all.  It goes to the corner.  We got this!"  I proceed to park and call Krista to let her know where mini Santa and I are at and to get here quick because the lines are short. 

Mistake number three- It's colder by now and neither one of us had light jackets (as the online tips instructed), therefore, making it a little hard to wait outside.  Austin and I made our way back to the car for some heater action!  Austin found one of my sweaters in the trunk and wore it proudly!

Nice n toasty we're finally ready to attack! Sweater off and ready to exit the escape mobile. Peace!!  The inexperienced and not so hot looking side of me had no idea that the line to Best Buy wrapped AROUND the corner and was about an hour deep!  I didn't realize this until we stood outside Best Buy, on the opposite side of the line (with a few other inexperienced shoppers is my guess) and never saw the end of the line as people were going in!  So, little elf and I decide to make our way over to the end of the line.  Eventually, we got there.  It took F.O.R.E.V.E.R. just to get back to the front of the store near the entrance.  But there was no way in hell we were gonna be slick and cut in line!  Some guy got arrested and another woman got thrown our for cutting!!  Just for cutting!!!

 I wasn't  trying to get thrown in jail.  I didn't even want to talk to a cop!  Not even eye contact!  I knew my conscience would give me away and they would instantly know about the stolen Serendipity Salt! Thanks Krista!
When we finally made it into the store people were scrambling, running, people looked lost (I was one of them!), stuff was flying off the shelves, things being knocked over, children getting their hair pulled by their own mothers, others getting 'secretly' pinched, some sleeping up along the walls of the store and a line that had already formed INSIDE the store a mile long!  "Crap!  Another line?"  Are these checkers not checking fast enough?  Do they have enough staff?  Because I saw a few assisting a woman who fainted at the front of the store who could very well open some registers!  lol  It was crazy!  I was even more nauseated than I was before entering the store.  It's 2am and I've already been in line for about 30 minutes. I really don't remember much waiting in line.  I was probably sleep walking at this point.  Austin is running back and forth having a grand 'ol time!  Skipping, smiling, and playing games...he was good.  Meanwhile, I'm about to blow chunks on the guy breathing down the back of my neck!  Ugh!  mooooove!  I mean, isn't it a universal sign that when someone is tugging at the neck of their t-shirt and roughly looking a little grim, that they possibly could be wearing the number 7 combo I consumed a few hours earlier?  It's 2:40am and I'm about 30 people away from paying.  As much as I wanted to leave I was not about to walk out after all the waiting in lines I did!  Even if I hadn't bought a thing, I was going to make it to the register just too feel the sense of satisfaction!!! Heaven only knows where Krista and Preggers were! Probably at home sleeping...or bumming fries off of someone else!  Austin and I finally make it to the register, pay and get the heck out of dodge!  I make it home at 3:45am- just in time to throw up!  No pic included. 
What an adventure.  I've decided that Black Friday is now a non existent day on my calendar! I will never do that again! Totally not worth it!

A few things I did learn are listed:
No need to gas up your vehicle- we went to three places, one of which was Whataburger, so two places in 6 hours.  My map was not needed!

Upon reaching your destination do a drive by...it's always a good idea to get a feel of the people you'll be up against.  Have machine gun ready!

Befriend the person behind you.  This is crucial!  If you suddenly feel the need to pee, you definitely want this person on your side to hold your spot!  Very important for those of you brave souls that do Black Friday alone...or with a sidekick that is busy having a good 'ol time playing games!

Asking employees where stuff is, is a waste of your time!  They don't know...they just work there!

Remember when using a shopping cart you can use nice phrases like, "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry, can I get through?" or if all else fails, don't be afraid to to use "HOLY CRAP! IF YOU DON'T MOVE YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING, SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING, LOW LIFE SELF I'M GONNA PLOW THIS CART RIGHT UP YOUR 8#@*!!!"  I prefer to use Excuse me so that I have a better chance of making out alive.

There's no need to start conversations and be the 'nice guy' UNLESS you have absolutely nothing else to do.  There's no need to talk about the elves and how hard they worked to make all the stuff in the store or how your ugly Christmas sweater party was a hit! You are here to get in and get out-ALIVE!

Don't flirt with anyone.  If you looked anything like I did, nauseated at 3am, chances are you're wasting your time! 

If you have shopped at several different places and have stuff in your car that you want to protect, use screaming, disobedient children!  Leave about six kids in the car!  Great deterrent.  Any thief would be out of his mind to try or want to mess with them.

If someone in the store suddenly faints, passes out, or even dies while in line, don't be the jerk who goes through their stuff in his/her cart!  Be courteous and wait til confirmation of death is mentioned!  Then go for it!!!!!  Hopefully they were one of the first to get the great deal on a 42 inch TV for 199.00!

And last, but not least, don't attempt Black Friday shopping unless you've taken every survival class out there or if you're anything like me, don't ever go again!

Friday came around and I was getting ready to run a couple of errands when to my surprise my wonderful friend showed up at my door, unexpectedly, to hand deliver Jacob's birthday card on HER BIRTHDAY!  That truly was the highlight of my day!  She shows up on HER BIRTHDAY! Who does that???!!!??  So awesome of her and her husband to do that.  "Thank you, Sharon, for loving us so much and for being such an amazing friend all these years.  You started out as Jacob's kinder teacher and ended up being a very special family friend!  Happy Birthday to you and cheers to wishing you health, happiness, love and fun filled memories to last you a life time!"


Sharon and Anna Marie





"Thank you, Larry, for
getting her here!"



Well, Saturday was a family day at mom's, putting up her tree, eating all the leftovers we could find and eventually ending the day with a glass, or two, of wine!  Perfect weekend, so far.  xoxo