My story starts like this: (me yawning, stretching arms, one eye half open and telling Gracie, "ya, I'll go"). Little did I know what I know now; don't forget your running shoes, shotgun and 5 hour energy drink! I would've taken my vodka or tequila, but Gracie frowns if I drink too early! So, I get to her house and Keila (her forever friend in crime) are both waiting for my slow ass. With money in their pockets (they are fully prepared with hip sacks and comfortable shoes), three cups of coffee each, a run through McDonalds for some grease and a full tank of gas they are raring and ready to go!!! All this has been done by like 7am! I know, I know, 'the early bird gets the worm' they say, but honestly, I hate worms!
Our adventure begins with me in the front seat, Gracie driving and Keila (the sign reader) in the back. These two have it all figured out! They know exactly what to do, how fast to drive, how quickly to turn, how to negotiate paying half of what people are asking and how to back each other up in the most crucial times! They failed to warn me. My sleepyass and my 20 bucks are not ready for what's to come!
After finding a few garage sale signs in their path and a couple purchases of stuff they really don't need we come across another sign. The chaos in the truck is already making my stomache turn! You really have to know these two to understand what the hell I'm talking about, however, I don't recommend you joining them unless you are taking your own vehicle. The laughing, loud talking, the comments, the swift turns (and I do mean swift!), the speeding down the street,,, it's all a blur now but I do remember some of it! Gracie takes no prisoners when she sees a sign. Keep in mind, her eyesight isn't the best, so someone please explain how she can spot a sign from here to kingdom come! lol Keila's not too far off either! With both these knuckleheads on 'sign' duty you would think we could have plently of time and signal our turn...nope! Everything is last minute and scaaarrry! Seatbelted in I still end up having my face plastered up against the window as she 'swiftly' turns. Elderlys, "move it!" Children, "watch out!" Animals, "oh well, shoulda moved"! It's like the garage sale is gonna close if we don't get there ASAP! Whiplash from sudden stops was how I injured my neck. I strongly believe it wasn't the stress of everyday life (like Gracie says) but the tug of the seatbelt across my chest, which, by the way, cost me a doctor visit! Good news if I got sleeping pills out of that. But that's another story all in itself. Anyway, so we get to this garage sale and Keila is looking at videos in a box. Kinda flipping through them, if you will. Before I go on, let me just say that there are some very selfish people out there who want to buy EVERYTHING in sight. Not me,,,I'm cool with my perfect meatloaf pan that I just paid 3.00 for. Upside: dishwasher safe, perfect meatloaf, I didn't have to pay shipping and handling; downside: no extra set, no knife that cuts meatloaf perfect everytime, and no money back. No worries. Back to the video box. So, sweet Keila has about 3 videos in hand (not porn- sorry Tomas). Gracie is busy looking at what seems to be an outfit that looks like something Cher wore and swears she's gonna wear it one day, and I'm just trying to put my nose back in the right spot. Next thing, I hear in a foreign language (Espanol- only it wasn't calming and beautiful like Rosetta Stone makes it). No,,, this was rough. These people (I'm pretty sure from Mexico) were trying to take the entire box from Keila and yelling! No joke! I really don't have an idea of what Keila was saying to them but I do know Gracie (her backup) was ready to throw some down! And I'm also pretty sure Gracie was calling the lady fat in Espanol! Oh hell.... my eyebrows went up and I tiptoed my way out of there! All I knew at that point was I have two kids to live for, I really don't need to lose my life over VHS videos! Who even has VHS anymore??? I'm just kidding about VHS, they were probably DVD- still, I wanted to live for my children! These two didn't give a rat's ass! They were gonna win this one! I'm really not sure of what went on from the time I safely made it to the crash machine to the time they made it to the crash machine. I was in fetal position, on the floorboard, praying that if I made it through this stop I would gladly volunteer at church on Sunday! lol! We all made it out of there safely I'm glad to say. Mom calmed down, veins settled and Keila was happy with her 3 DVDs but still talking under her breath! I was happy with my purchase and swore I would never ride with those two again! I probably would benefit from a couple 'how to' courses for Garage Sales before risking an adventure like that. I do have to admit, I'm proud to have two expert shoppers who know what the hell they're doing! It's an art! And we get some pretty decent deals sometimes!
You know I love you Gracie and Keila! You make life worth laughing at! "I'll just follow you all".
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