Snot Fest!

OK, so, as some of you know, I have been fighting a cold (or severe allergies) for the last couple of days.  I look like death has warmed over.  Not even the best pair of shoes or the best handbag or the biggest piece of cake would've made me feel better.  What am I saying? Of course they would!  

Monday, I didn't feel too, too bad.  I took advantage of getting the flu shot at lunch time and also bought some Zyrtec (which DID NOT WORK, by the way, and kept me up all night long)! Through the night I struggled with the drainage in the back of my throat which was causing me to have an itchy throat and cough (yes, all night).  A part of me kinda wished that a phlegm wad woulda choked me and put me out of my misery.  But no luck.  Instead, I strolled right into Tuesday, which was worse. 

Tuesday, I had severe head pressure. I literally felt like someone shot a gallon of water up my nose! My ears began to feel clogged, I was coughing (and annoying everyone at work), my nose was runny, really, really runny.  I had never seen so much snot!  My body began to feel achy.  My voice transitioned from songbird (lol ya, right) to dead bird.  And, I was sounding a whole lot like Fran Drescher (Mista Sheffield....).  Anyway, Tuesday afternoon was a delight- NOT.  I spent it on the couch after I got home from work.  I was slowly dying. *insert cough* A long, cruel death. *insert sad eyes*  OK, I'm totally exaggerating, but I did think for a second about my 'long gone' entry.  Was I missing anything for my funeral? Did I mention everything I want at my funeral?  Did I make sure everyone involved would truly comply with my wishes? Was I prepared?

I tried so hard to watch DWTS but just couldn't do it.  You know I'm ill when I miss one of my favorite reality TV shows.  My sweet 'T' came over with pizza for the boys and to take care of me.  Awwww....."Thank you, sweetheart."  Chicken soup would have done me well, but the thought??? So sweet and very much appreciated!

Wednesday I come into work, crawling (not really but...), wondering why I had not taken a sharp right into the ER instead.  No kind of med had helped me at this point.  Not even pharmacist recommended, Zyrtec.  Right around lunchtime, one of my coworkers (who suffers from allergies also) asked me if I wanted her last Claritan D.  Normally, I don't take meds from anyone else, especially, my mom who has every kind of med you can possibly imagine and is always willing to 'help' you.  Kinda like Dr. Kevorkian.  Anyway, I swiped that last Claritan D from her hands before she could finish her question! Desperation. I took it.  Niiiiiice.

A few minutes later another coworker comes over and tells me about a nasal cleanse.  Whaaa? A nasal cleanse? I've heard of colon cleanse, which I'll never do again thanks to someone who said it was safe to take 4 at once and in turn, almost crapped out my intestines, stomach and everything else!! A nasal cleanse, huh? Interesting.  The little nasal pot is purchased in a health store and costs about 10 bucks? She proceeds to tell me how it is used. Weird.  You tip your head sideways, put the tip of the nasal pot spout in the upper nostril and let it drain out of the lower nostril.  "Put water up my nose? I think it's pretty stuffed already. There's no room for anything else. I'll pass". She promised it would 'cleanse' all the crap out and I would be able to breathe again. "If I don't down in the process."

I figured I'd give it a try. Good news is I still had a few hours in my day to really decide, for sure, if I wanted to drown myself. 

I had a feeling she knew I might not go get the nasal cleanse, so, the thoughtful woman she is BOUGHT ONE FOR ME AND MADE ME GO TO THE BATHROOM AND DO IT! "Oh, thank youuuuu."  I was even more terrified now.   I didn't want to die from water inhalation asphyxia (aka drowning) in the ladies restroom, but she reassured me that wouldn't happen.  I'm about 98% sure water inhalation asphyxia is not the correct medical term or even a medical term at all, but it sounds really cool. 

I proceed to fill the 'Neti' pot (Annette, can appreciate the name) with lukewarm water and put in the saline solution.  I lean my head over, scared and wondering if this would actually be considered suicide.   

Memories of my throat surgery a few years back were coming back to me.  I was diagnosed with a Thyroglossal Duct Cyst.  True medical term, by the way.  But before the doc could diagnose me he had to 'check things out' around the throat area  It wasn't an 'open your mouth and say ahhhh' process. It was more of a 'I am going to spray you with a numbing solution and stick a camera scope up your nose all the way down into your throat' process.  I began to feel dizzy and faint. The doc proceeds to tell me that I shouldn't (*shouldn't?*) feel the spray and that my nasal passages and entire throat will become numb in a matter of minutes. Then he would be able to stick a flexible (*as opposed to a non-flexible?*)camera up my nose and down my throat to check out the little throat tumor(s).  Well, that was super calming. I begged him to just 'put me out'!

"AnnaMarie, you'll be fine.  I've had 5 year old kids go through this with no problem." In my non-sarcastic voice I say, "Great. I feel much better now! This sounds exciting, Doc." The mist goes in, I feel nothing.  No mist, no numbing.  "Uh, can we please make sure I'm completely numb before the scope goes in? I think I need more mist." After about the 3rd spray the nurse tells me to give it a few minutes.  "It usually takes a little while before you begin to feel numb", she said nicely.  I didn't believe her.  I wanted to make sure I wouldn't feel anything...so, I asked for more.  She hesitated, but proceeded to spray more.  Oh, and I shouldn't forget to mention that after 5 minutes the numbing medication numbed me so well that I almost choked on my spit! True story. Embarrassing. The doc and nurses were like, "OK, Anna Marie, you're not dying. Please, put your legs down and quit trying to reach for the nurses face." Again, true story. So, you can understand my fear of having shit shot up my nose! Why in the world would they shoot me up 4 times? Very sensitive subject.

Anyway, back to my 'Neti pot' story. I'm in the bathroom and strangely I felt overcome with strength to 'just do it'!! And I did, however, the first time, I got water all the way up my nose, and sneezed.  That was uncomfortable.  But I put my big girl panties on again and went for it.  This time- SUCCESS.  The grosses, weirdest thing, but oh wow! I was able to breathe instantly and along with the decongestant I was feeling much better in a matter of minutes.  You'll be happy to know that 'Neti" and I are now best friends and my snot fest is under control! If you've never tried the 'Neti' pot, I recommend it.  It worked for me.  Also, if you suffer from allergies, try Claritan D 24 hour.  Awesome stuff! Together, they are like ebony and ivory, Sampson and Delilah, ying and yang!

As for the throat surgery; all went well, the cyst was removed successfully.  I had a drain hanging out of my throat for about a week which was the sickest thing EVER. The pain was intense.  I couldn't eat or sleep comfortably for a couple of weeks.  The only exciting thing about going through this was that I'd possibly lose weight.  That didn't happen. 

So, today, when people ask about the scar on my throat I usually tell them I was assaulted with a knife.  That usually shuts them up pretty quickly.  Anyway, to all of you who may be feeling ill, I hope you feel better soon.  Vitamin C and chicken soup.  Take care!!! :)

~Snot face