Defective Pants

True story. Not that the rest of my stories aren't true, it's just this one usually happens to NO ONE ELSE!

I walked into a store last night looking for comfy, lounging clothes and instead got distracted by the nicer stuff.  Typical.  Anyway, I'm on the phone, talking to my friend, telling her about my troubles and tuning out her troubles....being the good friend that I am! just joking.... so, we're chatting away and I'm picking up clothes to try on that, one, I don't need; two, can't afford; and three, don't need.  But my want, at this point, is stronger than the reality I need to face. There's pretty stuff everywhere, shoes, OH SHOES, everywhere! It's like heaven in a forum.  There aren't many 'sale' signs, but that's OK right now.  I justify my want with, 'I could totally use this for work or church, I could dress it up or down, I'd totally get my money's worth.' Done.  The items are now hanging over my left arm.  I head back to the dressing room, which is something I rarely, ever do.  I'm a girl who sees something she likes, imagines it looking amazing on her, buys it, goes home, then tries it on and realizes that those spandex leopard hiphuggers are all wrong! lol  I'm totally kidding about the hiphuggers, but you get the idea- I hope. 
I'm now in the dressing room, undoing my pants, phone hanging off one shoulder, kinda whispering so the next person doesn't hear my entire conversation and completely feel sorry for me.  First pair of pants- Oh. I love them.  They fit perfect! One problem:  I couldn't afford 89.00 pants right now, or ever.
I'm not really paying attention to what I'm doing because I'm busy talking on the phone, but after about two minutes, I realize that I'm still trying to undo them.  Something was definitely wrong.  Yes.  The clasp was stuck and so was I! My eyes grew big in disbelief and figured that maybe having my head tilted over was making it hard to undo these expensive pants.  Stupid analogy, I know, but it's all I could think of. 
"Annette, I'm stuck.  I'm really stuck.  I can't undo the clasp on these pants. I gotta go." I'm still laughing at this point, but barely.  I finally hang up with Annette.  There was nothing she could do for me anyway.  I needed 'hands on' help. Pronto. My prayer began immediately.  "Dear God, please get me out of these pants and I promise, PROMISE, I won't buy them!" Five minutes pass and now I'm sweating.  What am I gonna do?  Do I pull out my theatre art skills and pretend to faint? That wouldn't work. The only lady that was next door to me is now gone.  I'm all alone. Who would find me? Do I call 911 non-emergency and ask for help?  No. It's not that serious. What the hell?  Do I just tell the associate that I'm going to buy them and I'd like to go ahead and wear them out?  OMG.  These pants are really stuck!  I mean, damn, where where these pants when I needed them 17 1/2 years ago and again 11 1/2 years ago?  I finally call the associate over for help after minute 10.  I won't go into details about how embarrassing this was for me.  I was just thankful I bathed prior to going to the store! It didn't help at all that her face was very close to an area that....  Did she really have to look that close?? Had someone walked into the dressing room, they would've witnessed a completely inappropriate and not too mention very uncomfortable scene! I wish I would've captured my look on my camera phone, but I'm pretty sure the sales associate would've found that weird. Finally, after minute 15 the pants 'gave way' and unhooked! Phew! Thank God!  I was 89.00 richer again! I thanked the associate and hauled ass out of there with the little bit of dignity I had left! I mean... little bit!  How in the world do 89.00 pants make it to a store defective and out of all the stores in the world and out of all the people in the world, how do these pants find me???  Seriously? lol. I didn't buy them, however, I did see another pair I'm going back for tonight.  Lesson learned: none. 
Until next time,

~Me